The Post-Hoc Evaluation

Commenced school to an all-time low with statistics class under Prof. Lin Ting Kwong, which was quite horrendous. I had trouble staying awake so I ended up playing Wordbiz (online Scrabble) with Yinyin.

People have been asking stuff like, "do you dread school starting?" Seriously mannnn... I am not happy or sad or angry about it, I'm just at acceptance with things, because school will start whether you like it or not, as if dreading it will help anything at all.

The past week's been the usual extended high I've been having for quite awhile, peaking with Zouk on wednesday and then crashing at Jianming's hostel. We were dancing for like 6 hours, which was really the shit. Good company makes all the difference. It was probably my best clubbing experience so far. 6am back at hostel and waking at 1pm to find that you're already in town kinda rocks too. Haha. I'll be repeating this for the freshmen bash on thursday.

Convocation was really really bleah. And even though I might've pissed some people off for pulling out rather last minute from the performance thing I don't regret it at all. I had my 30 seconds of fame for leading the pirates cheer from FTB. "I don't need that," I said when the MC passed the mic. Godly!

I've had my fair share of people doubting my reasons when I've stated that religion is why Kee and I have separated as a couple. I can understand how hard is it to fathom something like that for the layman, but to really understand why, you'd have to look into our personalities, perspectives and aims, goals and purposes in life. To us, love didn't simply mean going out all the time and calling each other every other night. Love can be defined by very tangible means but if that's the way you do yours then well the lack of superficiality in ours made things all the more difficult.

Considering that christianity doesn't take into consideration any other form of faith other than that of Jesus Christ, my pantheistic inclinations, even though encompassing of the prevalence of God itself, wouldn't have been acceptable. And I know very clearly that there are so many implications and complications if we continued to be together. I'd have been a hindrance to her growth in her faith, of which I know has benefited her alot and I certainly do not believe she should be denied the freedom to believe in what provides her spiritual well-being best. She would also feel very much compelled to try and convert me to becoming a christian, because I was more than just a friend. Those are just two of a myriad of other problems.

And consider this. I know christians would love to punctuate their sentences with praises to the Lord. What would that make of our conversations? I'd probably go on about my quantum mechanics ideologies and why I think Bon Jovi still sounds the same after all these years while she'd wanna tell me about how Christ brings joy into our lives. While I'd love to affirm that with her just because I care for what she thinks, I'd be lying to myself about what I don't believe in. And at the end of the day you just realise all those conversations may eventually just not mean anything anymore to either of us, given the persons we are and the priorities of our conversations.

We both also feel that the priorities of life should all go hand in hand with each other. You can't just put your faith, your career or your relationship, just to name a few, at the apex of what's most important in your life - instead, they have to go hand in hand. Only then would life be worth any of those things at all.

It may be hard for some to see it this way, but I've loved her too much to keep her with me, especially in a relationship which would entail so many potential issues in future. Some will try and say that if our love was really strong enough we'd be able to overcome this. Well screw them then, they just don't get it past the shallowness and probably won't anyway.

It has been hard because there wasn't really a breakup due to anyone's fault, there was no decline in love, and there is no anger to leverage any of this on. Simply put, breaking up not because there's no love left will be hard, and the love was brimming. As the years went by and our love grew, the barrier of religion just grew bigger between us, ominous yet surreptitious, until it became too huge to put aside anymore.

But we're really still friends, and perhaps more than just good friends because how do you just put aside all those things you know about each other, and all that spiritual and emotional connection you've had? Transcending the status was hard but we've helped each other through it and it's been alright.

I suppose in the bigger, more neutral, bystander perspective scheme of things, I'd just be a tool for a test on her faith, a little fork in the long road of her life, and she'd just be an example of what happens when you, as a christian, date a non-christian. Haha.




If each day was 48hrs, we'd all be younger

Today's Listenables:
Within Temptation - Ice Queen

The cumulative consecutive late nights kill me each time I'm out trying to do something and last night at Wala Wala I was like freakin' falling asleep even though The Unexpected were totally blazing hit after hit. Got home at 0230h and this morning went to play for The Horizons, Nicholas' sunday soccer team. Totally sucked cos my reaction and concentration was rock bottom, and shit happens when you play court soccer week in and out and suddenly play field soccer. It's like... So much space zomg so you end up running and running quite headlessly.

But the game soured into the second half and just after I subbed myself out the two sides started fighting. Like totally brawling man wtf. For me I've somewhat left such experiences behind in secondary school already, both in the sense of myself succumbing to such acts of idiocy as well as observing such puerile acts of childish mindlessness, and here were two teams with an average age of 24 I think, trying to sort pride issues out over sissy kicks, pushes and g4y trash talk. SERIOUSLY MAN.

Anyway, the game ended 3-2 in our favour prematurely, cos the fight got a little out of hand and the ref had to call it off before 90 minutes.

Nicholas asked if I wanted to continue playing for his team. I didn't reject the offer though I don't think I'll take it up eventually, because I know that my commitment level to these kinds of things is usually quite low.

The stayingouttillateeveryday has ensued for the rest of the week since wednesday - which was ended off with a very amusing and thoroughly enjoyable foosball session with Jianming and Yinyin at the hostel (where I duly pwned them; funny surprise was Yinyin's 7-0 KO of Jianming) - with StarringSMU coming to a very lousy close, and yesterday's Wala Wala trip.

StarringSMU got crappier and crappier and I totally skived the NDP display I was supposed to be a part of (which was also supposed to be the whole idea of and reason for StarringSMU itself). Instead, I went for the frisbee tryouts which was quite fun and later met Sabrina to meet up the rest of the couchsurfing people, only to be totally snuffed out by the insane crowd.

For the uninitiated, the idea of couchsurfing is about providing a 'couch' (a symbol for lodging) for people - some on budget travel, others who want to meet people - and in the process make new friends and share experiences and culture. Check out www.couchsurfing.com.

Wala Wala is host to EIC and The Unexpected, two top live pub performance bands in the business. For all live band fans, you've got to catch one or both of them in action, and for those who aren't fans yet, you just might be after!

Been playing lotsa Scrabble too, so I've resolved to get a Scrabble set to put at home.
So many things, so little time...




The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Today's Listenables:
Bon Jovi - Born To Be My Baby

I've been going to school every frickin' day since FTB ended. If it's not some official school activity, then it's using school as one of the coolest and most inexpensive places you can just head to in town to sit around. I can't see why people find this disturbing - the rationale is simple: anywhere else and you'd have to pay $5+ for chill out space; campus is totally free and if you even want board games, Mr Tea has drinks at less than $2 and are much nicer than many other places! And I haven't mentioned the selection range.

So as it were, I kickstarted this week by meeting Kee. I think we're good now, and it's really much better off this way for the both of us. I'm still having my fair share of friends who can't seem to comprehend why this is so, and I must admit that my very rational approach to this matter sounds more than cold considering the 3-year relationship we've been through, but it's not like we're not talking anymore. We've kinda transcended the boyfriend-girlfriend part into something else, and perhaps we were just meant to be that way. And it's not like its awkward when we hang out or anything. The laughs and great company - it's all still there, minus the romance.

So we watched The Simpsons, and I won't bother talking about the movie other than stating that I enjoyed it. I'm here to blog, not to report. Hah! Okay lousy I know.

So Kee and I talked about stuff, and well you lose some and gain some when stuff like this happens. There were things I wouldn't have said in the past that I'd tell her about now. But that's quite duh la.

Yinyin and Jianming moved into hostel on tuesday so I went over to check out the bunking area and it's pretty decent I'd say. For either $1.7k for a double room (shared with someone else) or $2.2k for a single room, you get lodging near school and in town which really rocks. Next time I have overnighters to pull, I'll bunk in with them.

Had fun showing Yinyin, who's a Malaysian, around town and playing Scrabble. Jianming joined us a little later and they accompanied me for the Samba Masala audition/interview, which went pretty well. Thankfully I was allocated an earlier timing, as the event snowballed and got pushed back quite late.

After that, Leonard and Jacq joined us to have supper and goof around Clarke Quay taking crap photos. It can be mildly therapeutic but guys like me have enough of it really quickly haha.

Today, wednesday, there was StarringSMU which is turning out to be a very frickin' lame CSP. We had to do this amazing race thingie (which is really blowing a hole in my wallet for transport alone) and eventually got pissed at the locations we had to go to so we did like 2 or 3 stations and then headed back to Cathay to bum while waiting for the cut-off timing to come.

I then met Qinhong and we played more Scrabble. Got a little too engrossed in the game that I missed the ending off for the day, and then he and I went to some GSR to practice some dance moves. I think I'm getting the whole handstand freeze business, though I'm still barely there yet.

Just so you should know, I've been shortlisted for the 'talent' thing during Convocation to do breakdancing and juggling, cos bloody Joel sabo-ed me. Gah.

So it's basically 1-2ams home each day recently. Tomorrow I'm skipping the StarringSMU NDP thing to go for frisbee. There's floorball, handball, softball and many other things coming up, but I'm kinda liking it this way for the time being. It's the people I'm meeting who're making this a very interesting time.




On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Today's Listenables:
Within Temptation - Final Destination

I know there's a lot I should be addressing but I haven't. Stuff that has been untouched since up to 3 months ago - the science of religion, the 'break up', the the the... - I just haven't found the time and energy to do so. I've been incredibly busy with many things varsity-related - orientation, community service, getting to know people, trying out CCAs, even thinking of forming a philosophy club - and time has truly flown.

I shall attempt to run through some recents.

Community service through StarringSMU kickstarted the meeting new people process after my summer term class ended and it was really the start of everything that would define the people I meet and the things I do with them nowadays. Last year, SMU was involved in the smiles campaign that saw collages of smiling people lining up MRTs and buses, so this year we are doing 'kisses for the nation'. Lazy to elaborate, and not that it really matters anyway. Then we did car washing to fund-raise, and we're gonna be involved in the NDP display by moving red and white umbrellas (that will form the national flag).

Then there was The Fourth Estate - Social Science Camp, which was quite fun because of the fantastic company of social science people. But after learning about other camps like Asoc and Bondue, I guess SocSC camp was actually pretty tame in comparison. But oh well.

A very recently, I had my Freshman Teambuilding Camp, which was just basically orientation camp. It didn't quite turn out that fantastically but I wasn't expecting much anyway so it was alright. The thing is that we had to undergo activities that assumed that your team was really well-bonded; anything less and you would'nt have been able to comfortably complete or win at the activities. So there were quite a number of instances where the failure to complete the activities caused the mood to nosedive. But of course there were some activities we excelled at, like rafting, which really put us on a high.

And yesterday, I went for the Samba Masala tryouts, which was really fun.

Today, we were at Kopitiam and we had this extremely engaging discussion regarding the value of sex and the definition of love and chemistry, which kinda led us to wondering if we could establish a philosophy club.

All in all, I made a lot of new friends and everything kinda gave me the time and space to keep my mind off things, whether I needed that or not.

That's the past 1-2 months truncated, with lotsa details, significant or not, left out.




I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Today's Listenables:
Trivium - A Gunshot To The Head Of Trepidation